Let me first start by explaining that since this blog began we have had a change of venue...we are no longer on top of our mountain looking down at the Denver Metro area. We are now in the beautiful Evergreen State. For three years we tried to build a house. Twice we were almost to the point of pulling trucks in to start building when the deals fell through. We were devastated and wondered why we had to sink thousands into a building permit only to find out that we couldn't use it. We ended up selling the property (and making a pretty decent profit off of it) and buying a home on 20 acres. I'm the proud owner of two almost-well behaved horses and we're pretty happy here, content to leave the home building nightmare in the past.
Fast forward...I have given birth to five children. Over the years that I've had this blog I've shared some of the struggles through my pregnancies, though I've really not gone into incredible detail. One thing was for sure -- I knew that I was finished having babies. When your kids start having their own kids it's probably time to throw in the proverbial pregnancy towel.
This was a perfectly good plan. I had two grown boys, three beautiful daughters and an amazing granddaughter. I was ready to hang it up and peacefully move into the next phase of my life. By now I would think that I would be used to my life never going the way I ever expected it to...
In October 2017 my husband's nephew and his girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl. While in the hospital the baby's birth mother tested positive for heroin. The parents insisted that the test was wrong and the baby's paternal grandmother (my husband's sister) took the baby in until the mess could be straightened out. Unfortunately, it turned out that both parents were addicted to not only heroin, but other drugs as well. They lost custody of the little girl, and my sister-in-law has officially adopted her. This would have been the end of the story but in February 2019 we got the phone call that changed our lives: The baby's birth mother was seven months pregnant again. She hadn't had any prenatal care and we already knew that she was an addict. It didn't take us but five seconds after getting off of the phone to know that we were willing to take this child.
We were told that the baby was due at the end of June. We tried to get the legal cogs turning, but things were just not moving. Then we found out that the birth parents were trying to give the baby up for adoption. In the state where they live adoption agencies are allowed to pay the living expenses for birth mothers. This kind of money was like winning the lottery for an addict. We called the adoption agency and pleaded for them to stop courting the birth parents. The adoption agency refused and pursued even harder.
On May 16th, 2019 the baby boy was born, six weeks early. He was born on the floor of a dirty hotel room in a not-so-reputable area. He tested positive for three different drugs in his system. His birth parents left him at the hospital with no name after signing the adoption papers. We were devastated; they had sold their baby. I sent her a text message pleading for her that if there was any chance at all to undo what she had done to please undo it. Her children deserved to grow up knowing one another.
That weekend we drove up the peninsula, our hearts broken for a baby that we didn't know but somehow felt like ours. When we returned we learned that his birth mother had signed all of the necessary adoption papers -- except for one. The one being the most important paper that severed her rights to her child. All of the sudden we were back in the game and were trying to figure out the next steps.
Unfortunately, because he was legally abandoned at the hospital and had numerous drugs in his system, the state was now involved. To add further complications, because they never filed for a birth certificate the baby did not have a father and so therefore he was not related to us. He went from the NICU to foster care and we had no way of intervening.
After five weeks the paternal grandmother (the adopted mother of his biological sister) was able to get custody of him. I immediately flew out there to get him, with the idea that while we worked through the legal channels she would be able to to temporarily care for him. I met my son for the first time when he was five and a half weeks old. But it wasn't meant to be at that time. The state would not let me take him home to Washington and my sister in law was unable to take care of him. I was able to be with him for three weeks before I had to say goodbye to him and leave him with a new set of foster parents.
I can't begin to tell you how it feels to bond with your child after three weeks only to lose him. At this point we didn't know if we would be getting him back. The foster parents that he was with wanted to adopt him and the LGBT rights could very well have gone in their favor. When I asked the Department of Children and Families I was originally told that the birth parents could not simply sign their baby over to us. After some digging, however, we discovered that they could -- but it would be very costly and attorney fees would top out around $12,500. We didn't have that kind of money at our disposal. We were determined to make it happen, but we didn't know how we were going to do it.
The next day a miracle happened. A check had come in from King County, where we had attempted to build our house twice. It was a refund for building inspections that never happened in the amount of...$12,500.
Maybe you believe in miracles and maybe you don't. I have had a lot of things happen in my life that can only explained by using that 'm' word. This is one of those times. We immediately hired the best attorney that we could find. We had to hurry up and get our home study done. Somehow we hooked up with the most efficient case worker in the world and she pushed it through within two weeks -- something that was supposed to take a minimum of 2 months to complete.
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| What labor by paperwork looks like |
The court date was set for July 25, 2019. I hopped on a red-eye and flew 6 hours to get there before a 8am hearing to sign over their parental rights. But when the hearing came the Attorney General had not had the time to review the case study, which only made it to her the night before. She said it would take her a week to review. Thankfully the judge saw my horrified face and ordered that she review it that evening and we would meet first thing in the morning.
The next morning I was finally given permission to have custody of our new son, Baby G. It took a week for the ICPC process to complete before I could take him home to Washington, but when it finally came we hopped on our plane and began the next chapter of our lives.
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| The day I got him back! |
So we're back to having an infant in the house and all that comes with it! Sleepless nights, teething, crawling and now he's almost ready to start walking. I'm delighted to say that he has absolutely no known side effects of his mother's drug use. He is a happy and healthy baby boy who will be turning 1 this Saturday. We are so blessed!
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